Welcome

This is the fourth and final part in the Toxic Workplace Series. Links to:  Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3.

Toxic workplaces and/or managers can do a real number on our health (mental, physical, and spiritual) as well as our self-esteem and confidence.

I know this firsthand, and if I had any idea just how bad of shape I was truly in, well, I not only would have left sooner but also probably consulted an employment attorney to see if I had any options of pursuing some legal avenues (or at least shaking their cage a bit).

I truly thought I’d take three months to rest, maybe travel, start working out, eat better, yada yada yada, and then start looking for a new job in a new field.

Oh how naïve I was…

Three months was gone in the blink of an eye and while I had started exercising regularly, I was nowhere near as “recovered” as I thought I’d be. My sleep was still a mess, I had horrible anxiety, and my hypervigilance was through the roof (a crash of thunder could have me physically anxious for an hour).  

Going out in public was stressful and I was constantly terrified of running into someone I knew (toxic workplace fun fact: even when you know they were the problem, they’ve done such a good job getting under your skin you still think that you might have been the problem and just couldn’t handle it there because you were weak).

It ended up taking me about 18 months before I found my next job (thank God I’ve always been good about saving my money). Even then, it probably took me a good five months to settle into it and to stop being paranoid about Every. Little. Thing.

What finally helped me get myself back to a heathier state was a combination of therapy, exercise, spiritual practices, and completely quitting drinking alcohol.  

Let’s break down each on a bit more, shall we?

Therapy

As I talked about in Part 2 of this series, there are certain personal attributes that make us more susceptible to staying in toxic workplaces way past their expiration date. Going to therapy helped me see what characteristics I carried that made me a target for toxic BS as well as gave me an understanding of where they came from.

Namely, my narcissistic father. While I’d always known he was immature emotionally speaking, and could be a total d*ck, I didn’t realize just how toxic he was until my therapist started asking the typical “tell me about your childhood” questions.

Like so many people who’ve experienced narcissistic abuse, I didn’t recognize it as abuse because it wasn’t overt in-your-face abuse. It was more subtle. And let me tell you, it was a revelation to start to understand all of this.

I don’t know that I would have ever put the pieces together had it not been for my decision to seek therapy. While I know therapy can be financially costly and you might have to try out a few therapists before you find one who’s a good fit, I highly recommend giving it a try.

Not only can it help you see the patterns and understand what makes you a toxic workplace target, but it can help you start to build up your self-esteem and confidence again as well.

Toxic workplaces and managers can shatter our self-concept and belief in ourselves and our abilities. Having someone to talk to can help you see areas where you might be blind to the impact of the toxicity you put up with but can also help you rediscover your strengths.

 Exercise

About a week or two after I left my job, one of my former coworkers who lived about a mile from me reached out about joining her for exercise classes. I agreed since I desperately wanted to regain the health I’d lost over the past couple of years but in hindsight, I wish I’d taken this approach a bit more slowly.

We started off looking for early morning classes that fell into the HIIT category (high intensity). While I loved having her as my workout buddy and we found a small gym literally down the street from me with amazing instructors, I now see it was a bit too much too soon as I was dealing with nervous system dysregulation (the cause of the hypervigilance I mentioned above).

(If you haven’t heard of nervous system dysregulation, here’s an article that explains it)

The classes were intense and it was in a club-type atmosphere with colored lights and loud music. There were times where I had to stop because I felt like I was on the verge of a panic attack.

While I did enjoy these classes at times, I wish I’d given myself permission to be inconsistent and only go when I truly felt up to them. Walking was much better for me and I when I made that my priority I not only continued to lose weight but it grately reduced my anxiety as well.

If you’re extremely stressed or dealing with the aftereffects of an abusive workplace, go for lower intensity workouts to start and add on the higher intensity ones as your body truly feels ready for them. You might also find fasted-state exercise is too hard on your system as I did, and working out after a meal or snack a better fit for you.

While it’s tempting to want to hurry up and undo the impact of a toxic job, taking it slowly and staying away from bootcamps, fad diets, etc. is going to be your body’s best friend in the long run.

Spiritual Practices

Meditation has been linked to overall better health but can often seem daunting as trying to shut down our thoughts can be incredibly difficult, especially if we’re dealing with anxiety. Guided meditations where incredibly helpful for me as they gave my mind something to focus on (besides reliving everything I’d ever done wrong at my job) as was walking in nature.

Doing something to connect with your soul can be incredibly helpful in overcoming the trauma from a toxic workplace. Whether it’s prayer, meditation, yoga, journaling, chanting, etc. nurturing yourself on a deep level can be instrumental in helping you regain clarity on your passions, what your talents are, and how your soul loves to express itself in the world.

Human Design, while not a spiritual practice in itself, has been instrumental in helping me better understand my energy and impact in the world. If you’re struggling at identifying your inherent gifts or understanding why certain things seem to work for others and not for you, I invite you to pull a free chart or book a reading with me so you can start to see yourself on a whole new level.

Banning the Booze

Here’s the deal with alcohol: It does us no favors. Period.

I developed a dysfunctional relationship with alcohol as a way of coping with the stress, not understanding that it was actually adding to the stress I was experiencing, making my anxiety and panic disorder waaaaaay worse, and keeping me from feeling the feelings I needed to process.

If you’re struggling with your health in any capacity, and especially if you’re dealing with anxiety and/or depression I highly recommend taking a break from booze so you can reclaim your health at the foundational level.

And you might find you don’t miss it at all. I definitely do not.

Wrapping it all up…

Toxic workplaces can have profound impacts on our health and our self-confidence. You are not alone and there are so many people that have experienced the lingering aftereffects. Whether it’s a therapist, a support group, spiritual practices, somatic therapies, there are so many methods that can help you reclaim what you lost. Don’t let shame or embarrassment hold you back from seeking the help you need or feel pressured to “pull yourself up by the bootstraps” and just get on with life. You deserve to reclaim yourself, mind, body, and soul!

Please comment below with any questions or toxic workplace recovery tips you have!

Elena