Welcome

Let me kick this off with a little rant on how we really need to start normalizing people spending the holidays solo. Alone. By Themself.  Because…

Sometimes you just do not possess the level of energy necessary to play pretend that you’re just thrilled to see your overly-critical step-sister and her newest husband. 

Some families are toxic messes and it can be mentally, emotionally, or even physically draining to be around them. 

Some people do not have families because they grew up in foster care, etc. 

And some people just don’t give a sh*t about the overly-commercialized theatrical shows the holidays have become. 

The pressure to play happy family is all around. From commercials to well meaning co-workers asking you about your holiday plans, there is a pervasive message that holidays are for FAMILY and if you opt out there is either something wrong with you Ms. Scrooge OR your a sad little orphan-esque soul who must be depressed sitting in your home with your dog, sleeping until noon, whipping up a batch of cinnamon rolls, and binge watching a foreign murder mystery series on Netflix all the while being deprived of the holiday joys of your dad and aunt fighting about politics while your drunk Uncle Larry makes grossly inappropriate comments about your bosom. I mean, who in their right mind would want to pass that experience up? Dear God. 

If you’re feeling like opting out of the big old get togethers, perpetually dry turkey no matter which cooking method is used, and just letting your sensitive soul breathe and bask in calm instead, allow this to serve as your permission slip to do so. (And if you’re looking for some ways to broach the topic of declining an invite or setting boundaries around your presence at the turkey table, this podcast episode has some suggestions and pointers.)

Ok, rant over. I think.

If you are looking forward to seeing the family or dashing through the snow to a Friendsgiving but don’t want to exhaust yourself, overwhelm yourself, or just frazzle your nervous system to a crisp, here are some do’s and don’ts to keep your sensitive self in tact. 

Do….

• Make your daily routines a priority. The holiday bustle can cause us to forgo things like our daily journaling time, walks outside, meal prep, etc. While following a strict daily routine can feel restrictive at times, I find that it’s absolutely necessary during busy times to keep me grounded and energized. 

• Make things as easy as possible. Buy a precooked turkey. Offer to bring wine instead of making a pie. Cut down the guest list. Go to Aunt Vera’s for dessert and coffee vs. the whole dinner. Scale back and focus on what you truly enjoy. You might be surprised how some of your traditions aren’t actually enjoyable (for you or others), they’ve just been on auto-pilot. 

• Take a break when you first start to feel frazzled or tired. As sensitives our nervous systems can get kicked into high gear pretty quickly when we’re around a flurry of activity. Go for a quick walk outside (and maybe offer to take the dog with you). Find a quiet room and take 10 deep breaths. Go to the bathroom and wash your hands and imagine everyone else’s energy being washed down the drain.  If you’re hosting, set an arrival time and a wrap up time ahead so guests know this isn’t an all day affair. 

Do Not…

• Be afraid to disappoint some people by saying “no”. No, I am not coming this year. No, I cannot pick up Betty Jean’s shift. No, thank you, I’ve been burning the candle at both ends and need to recharge but I’d love to arrange a coffee or brunch date after the holidays to catch up. Saying no, setting limits, and offering up alternative times to meet (if you truly want to) allow you to prioritize yourself while making time for the connections that mean the most to you. 

• Overindulge. (Or at least do not overindulge all season long.) Our systems are sensitive and between the energy of others, too much apple pie, too many glasses of merlot, cabernet, champagne, etc. it can take a huge toll on us and our recovery periods are often longer. Keep the overkill to the things that you only eat once a year and truly enjoy, and skip the store bought sugar cookies in the office break room. 

• Be a sad little orphan-esque soul. I get it. I do. It can feel lonely this time of year. However, that doesn’t mean you cannot start your own traditions. You could volunteer at a homeless shelter or soup kitchen, foster a pup or kitten to give them a break from the shelter, bake cookies and take them to a nursing home, experiment in the kitchen, practice night photography on light bedazzled pine trees, etc. 

Hugs,

Elena